|My morning ritual Nov 2017.|
Another fact for me back then was: I was heartbroken over the end of a relationship.
Cut to this experience and once again, heartbroken. This time over the end of a friendship. Seems like I am only in Virginia Beach when I'm like this and need the ocean. I am so grateful for this contract and for the joy of working on a show with great people in a magical place I love. The Atlantic ocean for whatever reason, seems to hold a healing balm to my heart when I need it most. Every morning I walked the oceanfront, a lot of prayer, assessing, affirming. It's my ritual there it seems I did it last time. I spent 6 years in mountains and let me tell ya there is no question mountains don't do it for me I am an OCEAN seeker the Ocean water in it's vastness is my sweet spot. Speaks to my soul I could walk on one for the rest of my life. Beachfront property, anyone?
There's been lots to think about. Why these have happened. Who I was back then, who I am now, where I am headed. I think the difference now is I know I will overcome heartbreak where 14 years ago I didn't think I would. Been finding out about colleagues and friends who have passed away recently too, which sort of puts it all the more in perspective. I know loss well with my parents. This is part of life, the joy and the pain. I've lived long enough to know that into every life a little rain must fall. But for the moment though how lucky I am to be alive in this time and space, despite the pain of living sometimes.
So many lessons surrounding these endings this time for different reasons I am still working through them. One I was responsible for, the other I was not. After years of struggle it was time for it to end. You can only fight someone for so long that is not hearing you, they just may not be where you are to receive it. I wish I knew why it has to be this way. Sometimes the narrative people want to tell themselves is that you are 'bad', instead of the realty that we are ALL flawed and sometimes make mistakes, and it's not always black or white sometimes it's grey. That circumstances of life can permanently destroy a relationship. That asking forgiveness is essential. Forgive yourself in the process too. It doesn't always work out. But knowing deep down either way, you will be fine.
Back in the Midwest for Christmastime. That's a whole other blog blogsters as I am a man always on the run. We'll see what's next I go back to NYC in Jan after some time in Chicago. Trying to remain hopeful about the future with our current state of government. But, there's always a chance to be hopeful, if you decide ahead of time there is. Virginia Beach Ocean front, don't you forget about me...
“We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss-we want more and more and then more of it. But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass, say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless; I am living…”
Marie Howe, from What the Living Do
|Virginia Beach, Nov 2017|