Soul of the Ocean

My morning ritual Nov 2017.

Just finished our fast, furious and incredible run playing Mike in FREAKY FRIDAY at the Virginia Musical Theatre and it was a splendid experience! I loved being back there. Last show I did there was 14 years ago THE STUDENT PRINCE in 2003! Man time sure does fly. Back then I learned so much, met my best gal pal, and had one of those amazing experiences you remember always. This one was no exception and came at just the right time in my life when I needed it most.

Another fact for me back then was: I was heartbroken over the end of a relationship. Seems like I am only in Virginia Beach when I'm like this and need the ocean. I am so grateful for this contract and for the joy of working on a show with great people in a magical place I love. The Atlantic ocean for whatever reason, seems to hold a healing balm to my heart when I need it most. Every morning I walked the oceanfront, a lot of prayer, assessing, affirming. It's my ritual there it seems I did it last time. I spent 6 years in mountains and let me tell ya there is no question mountains don't do it for me I am an OCEAN seeker the Ocean water in it's vastness is my sweet spot. Speaks to my soul I could walk on one for the rest of my life. Beachfront property, anyone?

There's been lots to think about. Why these have happened. Who I was back then, who I am now, where I am headed. I think the difference now is I know I will overcome pain where in the past I didn't think I would. Been finding out about colleagues and friends who have passed away recently too, which sort of puts it all the more in perspective. I know loss well with my parents. This is part of life, the joy and the pain. I've lived long enough to know that into every life a little rain must fall. But for the moment how lucky I am to be alive in this time and space, despite all that.

So many lessons surrounding these endings this time for different reasons I am still working through them. Sometimes the narrative people want to tell themselves is that you are 'wrong', instead of the realty that we are ALL flawed and sometimes make mistakes, and it's not always black or white it's sometimes grey. That circumstances of life can challenge connection. That asking forgiveness is essential. Forgive yourself in the process too. It doesn't always work out but knowing deep down either way, you will be fine.

Back in the Midwest for Christmastime. That's a whole other blog blogsters as I am a man always on the run. We'll see what's next I go back to NYC in Jan after some time in Chicago. Trying to remain hopeful about the future with our current state of government. But, there's always a chance to be hopeful, if you decide ahead of time there is. Virginia Beach Ocean front, don't you forget about me...

“We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss-we want more and more and then more of it. But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass, say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless; I am living…”

Marie Howe, from What the Living Do

Virginia Beach, Nov 2017

Train Now Leaving...

“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.” ― Mo Willems.

New York City was my home for 10 glorious and at times depleting years. I had some of the most unforgettable experiences in my life and met the most extraordinary people there. I still have a hard time talking about it in past tense as if it's "done" because I try to be there once a year. (In fact I'm flying to New York this week for most of Sept). I grew the most I ever have there and still feel like I was taken out of it's womb too soon. But for all intents and purposes I don't know where I live at the moment. I never thought I would leave NYC. In 2010 I needed the change so off I jumped to the west. So many factors then indicated it was the "right time". In January I officially moved away from Denver after "trying it out" for 6 years. Yea right trying it out cut to me 6 years later 😆. Guess I was born a ramblin' man. To quote Oprah "When you've grown as much as you can grow in one place, it's time to go." It was time to go.

When I moved to Denver, I thought maybe I could be a full time performer again and as it turned out that's exactly what I did. I felt the pull to move, to have new experiences, meet new people and to step off the rat race of Manhattan into a smaller market. Initially it was a great community, but maybe I overstayed my welcome? I did some good work. Sometimes we ignore the call that our stories are leading us elsewhere--that each place has well, an expiration date.

Patti Lapone recently was quoted regarding her show WAR PAINT that it's her last, how musical theatre is exhausting and she's done. I agree, musical theatre does takes everything out of you, seem to prefer on-camera and theatre as of late.So we know that's true. I know I'm talented with a lot to offer, but where and in what capacity now?

We'll see what comes from New York next week and some auditions. Sometimes life is at a standstill and you just have to trust the journey. Currently in the Midwest working with my agents. Maybe NYC again, it is (or maybe was?) my heart home. In the musical COMPANY the character of Joanne quips "One knows when to come to New York, and one knows when to leave." That was true. Clearly I am full of quotes in this blog but I digress 😊 One of the things I am the most proud of myself is that I have thrown my net far and wide and lived all over the U.S. I cannot imagine if I had just stayed in my hometown my entire life and never left. I recently scoped out Seattle to see if its a fit (it's not....for now) and am surprisingly enjoying being back in Chicagoland. It's the nature of the beast I suppose when it comes to expat location and expat relationships. Some fall away when you leave or change. The good part is you now have friends all over which you can hold in your heart. And you have the lessons and the growth. That's a win. Ahhh but still where to next?

I welcome your thoughts on these musings gentle bloggeristas and social media moguls......what does home mean to you and what are your thoughts on your proverbial train?