Often we hear the phrase ‘people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.’ I always loved that phrase but I think somewhere in my Pollyanna youthful naivety I believed anyone who came into my circle would remain there- even for a lifetime. Relationships have not panned out that way and nor should they have. But oh how I have misguided myself somewhere along the path.

The reality is: people come in and out of our lives and some people you may never see or talk to again. I have met and worked with many it’s just not feasible to have every relationship pan out long term even with the surface connection of Facebook. And as I get older I accept this rite of passage. Well, maybe not accept completely but attempt to understand and embrace. Trying to view relationships as valuable for whatever their time table is more miracle minded . It’s particularly cyclical in New York where by definition careers are nurtured, not relationships.I was recently watching a very poetic and interesting documentary on New York from it’s inception in the 1600’s. It stated how New York was the stopping ground from the beginning which would dictate the societal and political climate of America as we know it. How millions came here en masse to pursue this dream of financial wealth and prosperity. And even today New York holds this mystical allure, this place where ‘anything is possible’. NYC- the agenda oriented city. But with that anything is possible comes ruthless ambition and emotional disregard. It’s a double edged sword really. You crave connection but you’ve chosen to live in that agenda and then real connection can be, well…fleeting.

There have been seasonal relationships for me over the years. Big one was with a friend and roommate I loved in Chicago. We had one disagreement and she ended our friendship with no discussion. I learned a lot about myself from that. Most recently I had a friend I met at an audition a couple of years ago whom to me at least, felt like a solid genuine connection. We talked, we texted. I visited him at his job and we laughed and talked about everything. But slowly I came to realize he was the illusive 'New York actor people collector’- looking for fans in their entourage rather than living, breathing friendship. All of the effort was coming on my part. I stepped back for my own dignity to see what happened. And guess what? I never heard from him again. I realize I am accountable because I choose to believe these brief liaisons are more lasting than they were originally intended. And then my frustration and expectation sabotages the deal when I actually express that to them and they run for the door. I guess if you feel a looming disconnect it’s best to just cut your losses and move on. Dating here is the worst regarding this. There’s just a lot of narcissism in New York you absolutely need to keep your blinders up, feet planted firmly on the ground and accept the reality. And try to remain open too as much as you can. It’s a dance it’s a balance- holding on and letting go.

The spiritual study The Course in Miracles says there are ‘three levels of teaching’ in a relationship. First being a ‘casual encounter’, second being a ‘more sustained relationship’ where two people enter into an intense teaching/learning experience then appear to separate, and the third level being a relationship once formed last all our lives. Author Marianne Williamson says the second and third levels are where intense healing happen showing us the barriers to love we put up and how these relationships illuminate that. I can really relate and feel like if you have that information you are prepared for relationship endings. Not try to control it, but trust those meant to be near to me will be.

Makes the people who have been there for you year after year that much more treasured doesn’t it? Letting you be who you are with flaws, good days, bad days- Makes you so grateful for their consistent presence. Tell them today how grateful you are. And embrace the flux of the reason, season or lifetime relationship…out with the Pollyanna and in with the reality.

Last night I performed in the play reading THE HEAD OF MARY at the Ohio Theatre in Soho. It was the first time I’ve been on a stage in over two years. Truth be told I absolutely loved performing again! Of course I would read the phonebook or play a tree bush for this particular director I love her. So when she asked me to do this I felt the reverberating ‘YES’ inside that Oprah mentions and agreed. How great to once again be utilizing the ‘artist’ inside me versus the corporate me. It was good for my spirit.

Some friends have asked me as of late why I’m not performing anymore. I kept feeling like I wanted to write about it and also to just clarify it for myself. For the record, I haven’t left performing completely I still go to the occasional agent call. But I feel like I’ve been on a permanent sabbatical (is that a phrase?). I had a singing gig in Feb and one in the fall but aside from that nada. Nor have I had the desire really. I am doing fine with the occasional stints (and of course singing in my apartment!). My buddy Vance told me at the recent gig ‘you still got it Thadd’. That made me happy. But all in all I am in-limbo artistically.

The last three years of performing I wasn’t happy. Particularly in theatre. That quiet voice inside me kept reverberating ‘ Thadd why are doing this? This is not fulfilling you bouncing around with pogo sticks and yelling at people onstage’. I didn’t want to be other people anymore I just wanted to be me and I definitely did not enjoy auditioning or the lifestyle. Many performing friends I know have gone through this same journey of self awareness. Some have left the business altogether. Some continue on and are miserable. Some have restructured how much they do it. Some continue on performing and love it. Different strokes and for all of them I respect whatever decision they’re making.

I think the main reason I’ve stopped is because…I’m healthy inside. Or at least I’m getting there. I’ve worked so much on self and am more interested in life’s other potentials. There’s something about the business of performing that seems way too much ‘of the ego’. Craving too much attention from others and having too many shallow theatre friendships. Displaced narcissism. I think a lot of performers are not addressing insecurities that brought them to the stage originally and that’s not conducive to growth. Sometimes what they think they get from it only gives the illusion of fulfillment, the illusion of contentment. Use your gifts, yes, but keep the ego in check and address why you’re doing it. I have a great job working 30 hrs a week with amazing benefits and low stress. I’m out early enough to have the rest of my day to do whatever I want. I’m extremely grateful to just have a job with the economy. I volunteer when I can. I get outside go to the gym and feel strong in body. I still love New York and Brooklyn after 8 years and take advantage of all that it has to offer. All in all I am a very blessed individual.

Yesterday, as show time drew near, I was completely and utterly convinced no one would come see this. It was Memorial Day it was Monday people are busy. What an amazing treat to see the audience filled and SEVEN of my friends afterwards! It meant so much I was soooo happy they came but more happy to just see them and spend time with them afterwards. I think it’s very important to not let your artist and the God given gifts you have lie dormant definitely definitely use them. My agent said to me years ago “I don’t think this is going to happen for you until your 40’s”. I find that very interesting. So maybe come my 40th birthday I’ll start again. Hello Tylenol and Sears commercials!I am very grateful for being reminded last night that I am still an artist deep inside. And with that valuable spiritual information, I continue on….










With director Sonoko Kawahara.

As some of you may or may not know I just spent the last two weeks as a grand juror. Suffice to say it was not enjoyable. About ten years ago I served on a trial jury for like two days, and found that experience incredibly insightful. When I was first picked for this two weeks ago I was so upset, acquiescing to the fact that I’d be removed from work, my life etc for two long weeks. The wardens told us be glad it was only two weeks that most grand jury’s can go on for months. I left defeated, called my HR manager at work and begrudgingly showed up at supreme court Monday for my first of what would be two weeks of judicial yuckiness.

For those of you who don’t know a GRAND Jury is not a trial jury ala Amy Buttofuco or OJ Simpson. A trial jury is one that decides someone’s guilt or innocence. A Grand jury is prior to that and decides whether to INDICT someone based on legally sufficient evidence that a crime was in fact committed and then move it forward. Grand Jury’s (23 people, 12 to indict) hear case after case and are not used much anymore in most states but ironically New York and my home state of Illinois still use them. If any of you get called in for grand jury call me immediately for advice. Preferably show up in a bikini, slightly deranged, put a beach towel down in the court room and pretend to be sunbathing. Go for certifiably insane instead of rational and speaks English as I did.

Legally I cannot talk about any of the cases that the district attorneys presented. But there were some serious ones involved and I had a hard time getting through some. As a rule I don’t watch the news, read the papers too much. I don’t want to know all the crimes being committed I feel it adds to an anxious state of mind. I want to know of the wonderful things being done in the world. Energy begets energy I feel and I want to focus on the good.

Most of the cases were monotonous torturously long legal terms, monotonely droned by the lawyers. I literally almost fell asleep a couple of times particularly with some who needed a lesson in theatre performance basics; volume, articulation, presentation that strives to be more exciting than a box of hair. We nicknamed many of them from ‘Punky Brewster’ to ‘Small Wonder’ to ‘Mutt & Jeff. I’m thinking I may start my own crash directing school for beginning D.A.’s in these concepts. Side job anyone?

Although I am hoping I never serve again, I did learn a lot these past couple of weeks; I learned my memory is going and it may be time to strengthen the ole ginkgo biloba brain cells. I learned that I am a good moral person who was meant to be there & weigh in my vote with the open heart I possess. I learned a huge lesson in patience with moronic fellow jurors who put their feet up on the stands and belittled the rest of us. I learned some lawyers are hotties. I learned the law is in place for a reason and I can’t help but respect it, despite the fact that it doesn’t always reflect true spiritual justice. I learned In God we trust and in our own hearts we trust. Not too shabby I'd say.Here’s to another 10 years of non civic duty but always...to personal growth

In honor of August, I want to take this musing blog time to remember my late wonderful father Arthur Richard Krueger. It's been ten years since his passing, and although it sounds trite to say, a part of me has never been the same since he left earth.

But the loss is not the purpose of this posting. The celebration is.

In lue of this, I actually was chosen to talk about him on www.storyboardaudio.com, a sort of online NPR American Life site in the coming weeks. Details to follow stay tuned...

So often you read of the passing of loved ones with a deep sadness....longing....a crushed devastation. For me, it is very sad that he died, yes, but the feeling is more complex. It only 'hurts' when I dwell in his death or the circumstances surrounding it (he passed at a theatre I was working at). And I’ve discovered the last couple of years his death affected me in my other relationships in multiple ways. Very enlightening. When I celebrate him, who he was, the times we were together it is a warm feeling that is with me throughout the day. I prefer just thinking of him warmly in this way. Sometimes, I'll look in the mirror and see so much of him in my features, my spirit… and that is, well...pretty spectacular.

My Dad was such a sweetheart. I took him for granted when he was alive but he sure was amazing. Super gregarious, consistently present and always laughing. You always felt uplifted around him. My Mom says my grandfather (his Dad) was even more of this gregarious ilk. She said he was like my Dad times 3. My grandfather died when I was 6 months old so I never knew him. I think some of the best parts of me come from my father. I wonder if it's genetic? :) Born in 1939, Arthur Richard Krueger was an only child. He had a brother who died at childbirth but was raised by my grandparents singularly. He was an active sports oriented kid and when he became an adult went into the airforce and became an award winning golfer, and played semi professional baseball in CA (of course, who does he have as a son but little theatrical Thadd who couldn't throw a baseball to save his life... but he took it all in good stride). Rumor has it (rumor being Mom) that when he first saw my Mom at the bank they worked at together he walked straight into a glass wall with a thud (which later caused courtship, marriage and a TH-add, not a Thudd). He also was quite the stud dating three girls at the same time when he and my mother met. My Mother being the one woman-man she was wouldn't stand for that for long and quickly put the kabosh on it, telling him "You want to date, then you're going to have to date ONLY me". I can't make this sh** up people.

One of my favorite memories of him was when Hailey’s comet came down in 1986. One crisp summer night we got up at 4am and drove to the nearest high grass hill to try and see it's celestial overcast. There was a palpable aliveness that night staring up into the night sky with my Pop. Maybe now it was more about the quality time I was spending with him then seeing the comet. Haileys only makes an appearance every 75 years. Maybe every 75 years is the rate when father and son really bond...we sure did that night.

When I was little, I also was big on ‘projects’. I would make large wooden Star Wars memorabilia, movie projections, fake styrofoam doors, anything that struck my imagination from some particular movie. I was pretty imaginative as a kid. He would always help me create my fun house toys, collaborating, going to the store with me to buy the materials. I’m sure my intense, kinetic and imaginative brain was a handful for any Father but he never complained. We would create my little dream worlds together and I felt like he understood me deep inside…that is until the giant Mom upstairs would tell us to dismember my new large creations to clear out space in the laundry room (sorry Mom!). Since my Dad died at a theatre I felt a stigma in the Chicago community for years after his death like I was the boy ‘whos father died at a theatre’. I’m sure some of it was self imposed but not all. I think it was one of the reasons I left Chicago (which turned out to be the BEST choice for me) but it was an odd mixture of emotions. I remember reaching out to another actress at the theatre months later who’s Mother had died the same summer only to discover her intial reaching out to me was more of social convention than a genuine interest in our mutual loss. Another lesson in life I suppose. I do know you really find out who your friends are in a times like that and, although I would have preferred to just get a phone call rather than what happened I am glad I got to be with him right up to the end. Or is there an end really? I believe, afterall, he lives on within me.

I miss my Dad. I have gone on with my life some good some bad. But there are times I sure wish he was around. What a special guy he was. Hailey’s Comet is coming back in 2061. If I'm alive I'll be 89 yrs old.....in my rocker and porch with silver hair sipping my anti-oxidant Ensure…seeing it’s bright light in the night sky you can bet who I'll be thinking of then.

It’s summer in New York and I’m restless.

Thank God I bought an air conditioner last month (Frigidaire 6000 BTU). *whew, sleep has never been better. And next week, I start orientation for New York cares volunteer organization. I’m really looking forward to this.

I’ve been looking at photos of my past. My life in general pre-New York--living with my parents (simple) Living in Chicago (stagnant) and even college (back to restless) Melancholy is the word that creeps into my head. Wow, I just want to drive in a car again have that private sanctuary where you can collect your thoughts, listen to music before arriving at your destination. The subway doesn’t allow you that pleasure.Which is why millions of people on the subway have their ipod buds shoved firmly in their oblivious ears. They’re bringing the sanctuary to themselves.

Talked with a friend about life/growing up in the Midwest. How we miss our former selves sometimes .We both quipped:“The priorities are not straight in New York. The priorities are straight in the Midwest. People are happy getting up, getting their kids ready for school, driving to work, coming home, going to dinner with friends. It’s not that way here. It’s always reaching for something big." Returning, he was snippy with the dystopia that is NY, people on the streets not saying thank you, holding open doors etc. I was completely with him on this, you feel like you’ve learned the truth of manners growing up elsewhere and no one gave the memo to certain New Yorkers.

Lately, it seems, I do not leave Brooklyn on weekends avoiding Manhattan at all costs and sort of re-grouping there before the work week. The last 7 months or so have been major re grouping time. I haven’t been feeling the performing bug at all I’m just working and living and breathing as best I can. Auditioning and schmoozing to get ahead to some imposed destination all seems so shallow to me, at least presently. I mean, I get it I’ve been there I get that some people really love performing and it’s in their blood. I myself am missing my singing voice used to full capacity. But maybe instead friends? Love? Volunteer work? Living life? Health? Today at Starbucks while having a frappachino with Erin, I noticed this guy I did a show with standing at the bathroom door across from me. Truth be told, deep down I didn’t really like him there was always something about him I didn’t trust. He didn’t say hello to me and I didn’t say hello to him and it felt as it should be. I remember he once said “Other actors are for f***ing not for relationships” I couldn't believe it. He is simply a former co worker and that was ok.

I have really taken stock the last couple of years of people I have done shows with who are not true friends and excavated myself from their company. In show biz, your community is constantly overturning and it’s not mature or wise to believe that all people in that temporary community have your best interests at heart. Maybe we are all yearning for community. I think it’s important to listen to that inner voice that could potentially be guiding you to a different chapter of your life. And ask your spirit regarding the people around you ‘Do I feel uplifted around this person? Or do I feel drained and disrespected? There lies your answer.I also am coming to realize that effort, say when you are feeling lonely, has to come from you. Call up your friends. Reach out. Ask them to spend time with you if you’re feeling low. Life can be hard some days and it's ok to lean on each other. And by now you know who really loves you anyway, don’t you? Yes you do because you are one smart cookie, gentle reader.

I think it’s time to take a vacation out of here. The 6 month mark has arrived and the restlessness continues. But in the meantime, I hear the air conditioner kicking on….and with it, my uttmost thadditude gratitude.

I'm still in love with New York. 6 years and it's a love/hate relationship. Some days I hate human bodies so much, but most days it's love. When I see snippets of small hometown life, I appreciate it--I have a reverence for it--but know it's not for me anymore.

I've said it before but moving to New York was the best thing I have ever done. Initially, I moved here like everyone else full focus on my performing career. But over the years, performing is taking more of a back seat, and I realize it's what got me here, but just BEING in this energy and growing is the REASON I remain. Performin' Shmormin! For now, I am content with where I'm at. Moment by moment. Living in the present. Grow and live my life.

I've compiled my own subjective list of the ten best things and the ten worse things about living here. I think it's pretty right on people, all my fellow New Yawk peep's let me know.

TEN BEST THINGS ABOUT NEW YORK:

1. There is always something to do from shows, concerts, restaurants and jobs.

2. Exposure to every nationality, creed, race, attitude, and dynamic of person.

3. Some of the best food I have ever eaten, particularly Italian, Thai, and Mediteranean.

4. Shopping is unparalled, you can literally find anything you need--and for cheap if you know where to look!

5. Iced green bubble tea.

6. Full dating pool.

7. There is always some job you can get to make money.

8. Battery Park, Central Park, Prospect Park, Botanical Gardens and the view of Manhattan from Hoboken, NJ.

9. This palpable karmic energy that what you put out you get back. Especially on the streets, a sort of fast paced pulsating amoeba that takes you with it.

10. Four words; Sex and the City.

TEN WORSE THINGS ABOUT NEW YORK.

1.The subway; pushing, prodding, fighting for space. Subway etiquette is THE worse.

2. If you're tired, aint New York stoppin for you. You have to go with flow. Hesitation is death.

3. Some days it reeks beyond belief.

4. With the good people come the bad people. And some of them are B-A-D, ouchie wa wa.

5.True destitution is on the streets. Homeless people hurting, poverty, criminals. At times you have to turn a blind eye to survive.

6. Most starbucks, retail and fast food employees do not want to help you. Even though they are standing behind the counter. And are getting a paycheck. And have nametags.

7. It's impossible to find a bathroom in Manhattan when you really need one.

8. People constantly spitting. WHY WHY WHY?

9. $10 for a sandwich.

10. Two words; Dog Shit. On the street.

Let truth be told, I had a harder time coming up with the worse things list, so maybe thats a good thing. So that, as they say, is THAT.

Finally, the photo above is the view from my office window....I mean, look at that. It has started to become like a flat painting to me but sometimes I just stand there....fully present...and take it all in. It's breathtaking. No question, I was meant to live here...I belong.

"Like a rat in a cage/pulling minimum wage...like a death in the hall/that you hear through the wall...but you're still the one pool where I'd happily drown..." LCD Soundsystem's NEW YORK..

The perfect Brooklyn night;

Tonight was something special; And not because of anything grandiose, but merely just because…well, because, like a present moment it just-was.

I have been in a flux this past week. I promised on my facebook status I would get out of my comfort zone this weekend. Do something out of the norm for me; sailboat, workshop, biking, travel upstate, skydive, SOMETHING. New York has tons of activities to offer and most nights lately I can be found on the couch on my computer, at the gym or talking on the phone. No reason to slug my life away when there is so much to offer out there right?

Sure enough, when I got home from work tonight my predictable pattern of surfing the net and sitting my ass on the couch started to rear it’s stagnated head. My inner voice said resoundingly NO! and 5 minutes later with wallet and keys in hand I was out the door and up the 5 steep blocks to Prospect Park. And outside the weather was perfect.

For those of you who don’t know what Prospect Park is, let me tell you it’s just about the best park in the tri state area aside from famed Central. Smaller, closer with just as much to offer and more convenience. Last summer I spent a lot of time there, and as spring is in the air I can feel this summer beckoning the same. Although this summer is not last summer. This summer I am ME this summer. The tides have turned more.

Strolling through the sidewalks, jogging paths and hills I am still amazed what a beautiful piece of nature is here right around the corner from my apartment. I stopped and sat on the grass next to a couple eating falafels. I don’t think they noticed me, nor cared really with the scope and surrounding architecture so amazing. I let my stresses go and my thoughts get quiet with God. They say prayer is speaking to God and the silence is God responding. Whatever it is, it works for me.

WHY don’t I do this more often? Now I walk by the most beautiful freshly flowered pink trees and just stood there and took it in. Just a moment-standing underneath it all. Nature really is astounding if you stop and be present with it. All the other people there obviously feel the same way I do so I’m sure I didn’t look too cookoo for cocoa puffs gazing lovingly at mr tree. The park is filled with people. I’m pretty intuitive so I can sense their different personalities, feel their energy. I saw two people in meditation 'Namaste-esque' poses in the grass. Dogs and soccer playing jockeys. Parents taking their families for a park stroll. Teenagers smoking weed on the corner bench. Wow even the dirt. I stopped and dug the dirt with the stick, can’t even remember the last time I did that. I almost forgot what dirt looks like! I stopped and bought a hot dog from the vendor, then moved on to the front of the park near grand army plaza. The best part was my final bench sitting, with this delightful woman and her dog Mel, and only 5 feet away a jugband brother-so-art-thou band playing full out folky rhythyms. They looked like they were having a ball, and those of us around them couldn’t help but feed off their enthusiasm. I looked up at the sky, noticed twilight was approaching and made my way back out toward Prospect Park west, it’s own historic street just outside the park equally as fascinating with its charm.

It was nice to escape my structured schedule tonight. No worries about money. No inner critics. No relationship concerns. I’m tellin y’all now, don’t forget about getting outside this beautiful spring. It’s absolutely essentially here in a city. This is what keeps me in awe and keeps me centered. At least…for now.

All in the all, the perfect Brooklyn night.

I copied this from a subway poem the first year I lived in New York. I think it says it best.

“You travel a path on paper
And discover you’re in a city
You only thought about before
It’s Sunday marketplace
Parakeets and finces are placed
On the stones
And poppies in transparent wrappings
How can you be where you never were?
And how did you find the way
With your mind your only measure?”

Okay so my friend Brian and Cindy have asked about when I am going to update my blog. So here is an entry (after months of poking around and no postings). This isn’t to say I have not been writing. A couple of my essays are so personal (which means they could be universally powerful perhaps?) that I can’t bring myself to post them just yet, I'm too shy. Regardless, I am starting to label myself as a ‘writer’ (although none of my works have been published, I’ve never written a book and I am still wading in the short stories for magazine articles pool). But nevertheless, we are what we think we are and I’m seein the big picture here. So, with that I continue pen to paper (eh.. finger to keyboard?).

Let us start by stating a couple of exciting facts in the world de Thadd;

1)They opened a 7 eleven by my apartment. I grew up in the Midwest. Need I say more?
Tres excitement.

2) My roommate and I painted and redecorated our living room. Think lavender plum, willow bark and new candles. Ikea would be proud.

3)I read EAT PRAY LOVE by Elisabeth Gilbert and I can’t say enough good things about it. So inspiring, in reading it I teared up as many times as I guffawed out loud at the wittiness. A must read.

4) India Arie will be on Broadway this summer. You can bet your ass I will be there.

Here’s a revisting of past blog oldie but goodies. My best friend Pat and I have been chatting lately about all the usual things we chat about. Life, liberty, money, American idol, relationships. Ours is a friendship (more of a brother-ship) going on 25 years now, so needless to say we’ve covered all topics from Gandi to traffic violations to best methods for snow removal. Well lately, he and I have been discussing conflicts in relationships. I think I’ve come to a big aha in my life regarding them. I want resolution and closure when relationships do not work out. And in the same breath, I think I seek out TOO many relationships thus spreading myself too thin. In dating sometimes (experts say to get out there and date date date play the field) and in friendships (hey, New York is a social place it’s nice to have options). The problem I run into is I have too much expectation that ALL my relationships should be close and bonding and spiritually enlightening. And that is not realistic. My friend Laurie once told me, ‘Thadd, you need to compartmentalize the types of friends you have. The multi facets; the close dear friend, the friend from work, the casual friend, the friend you go out and have fun with, the crisis friend, the friend of a friend”. This is very valuable information she shared with me, helps me immensely. I like to call it ‘different friends for different trends’. Here’s something else that I think is valuable information. No one is worrying as much about you as YOU are. Go about your life, do what makes YOU happy and don’t worry about other people. Let them do what makes THEM happy. And with that information, become acutely aware that sometimes the two may not blend, and you have two choices then; adapt and compromise for that person or move on. No relationship can be molded, fixed, it is something that exists in its own definition, in it’s own realm. It doesn’t serve either people if the relationship doesn’t uplift.

ONE exception to this is, the relationship that, if you let it, makes you grow if you stick with it. And with that I’d like to end with a quote from EAT PRAY LOVE. I hope you get out of it as much as I did. Viva the growth-ful relationship!

“Richard-from-Texas's explanation of what a soul mate really is (p. 149): "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change you life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it."




“

It's official...

I am without question...without further wonder...

A black person trapped in a white persons body.

I saw Three Mo Tenors Off Broadway on Saturday and if ever there was a show for me, it's this one. I friggin loved it.

I'm so over being white, that's all I'm gonna say.

*sigh

Last Sunday I went with my peeps Brian, Kim and Erin to their friend place near Weehawken New Jersey.She is this sort of cute, small Vietnamese woman with an amazing condo overlooking Manhattan and I’m not kidding when I say I had the most amazing meal I have ever eaten. A sort of blend of chicken curry’s and red sauce shrimps and salads with a unique dressing over them. Better than any restaurant I have ever eaten at. I guess a couple of her recipes have been published and that is no surprise to me because I ate my weight in a small Vietnamese country there of all the delicious foods she laid out. Thank you God!

I also attended the wedding of my delightful friend Chris Kale Jones this past week, here’s a photo. Hes Frankie Vallie on the JERSEY BOYS tour til Jan go see him.

Been talking with some friends how a blog about the acting types I encounter at auditions is long overdue. For those of you not in the biz, the Equity open calls in New York are quite the show in and of themselves. Why hasn’t anyone written a show about this yet have they?(Chorus Line?) I may offend, and please forgive me if I do, but in the spirit of actory authenticity here are a few standouts:

1)Scary monitor person who is starved for attention to be onstage and is pretty much performing a one man/one woman show the entire time (Monitors are union members who oversee the auditions FYI)

2)20 something girl with full stage pancake makeup, fake eyelashes, rollered hair and an unrelenting desire to looking at herself constantly in any available mirror within eye shot. She often is making a “THRRRRRRRRRRRP’ lip warm up sound and asking whoever is next to her what they are singing, what voice type they are, who is their agent, what shows they have been in and what they think of LEGALLY BLONDE the musical.

3)Gay chorus dancer boy who has many of the 20 something girl traits listed above. His age can fall into higher or lower brackets however and can sometimes (though not always) have more of a nasal ping and Americas next top model walk.

4)Pompous theatre man (usually married) who is about 7 feet tall, business man haircut, wears penny loafers, cracks witty comments, talks shop with the fella’s and has played Emile in South Pacific, And any and all roles from all of Tennessee Williams plays. Mostly straight but can also fall into the category of closeted gay who thinks no one has figured that out yet. From Alabama or Florida.


5)Deep sullen quiet method actor type. Male or female. In full concentration mode of whatever sides or music or monologue they are about to zealously present. Often chattering out loud to no one, reciting their art and wearing sort of black turtleneck-y churchy buttoned up dark colored layers. Often will swear out loud if they have unfortunately missed when their name was called by the monitor. Something is deeply troubled about them, and they are looking to the vastly stable acting profession to give them healing they need from childhood.

6)Mother earth theatre woman. Late 50’s and above. Instantly calms the room as she enters peripatetically. She smiles at everyone, and you find yourself clamoring to connect with her so she can teach you her wise ways, and how the hell to last and stay sane in this crazy profession. Dramatic but no hint of pretension. Cast often as Mary Poppins or the grandmother in the tree types. Common names include Annie, Fran or Mary.

7)Opera singer wanna be musical theatre performer who sings I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM or AVE MARIA with enough breath support to blow over the manger.

8)Crazy 40 something woman with a headshot from 1980. Still coming to open calls, still asking where and when the show is, who’s directing, WHY the washrooms are not close by. She will then start knitting or playing cards and showing photos of her dog Fifi and lamenting how many shows she has done.

9)Sweet friendly ingénue type. Voted most popular in high school and not a shred of pretension in her body. Genuinely interested in your life, welfare outside of what show youre in. She is prepared, clean ironed dress and soft natural hair and makeup. 20’s-30’s. Can be raised by psychologist or doctor parents and asks you open ended questions about yourself. Smells like expensive perfume and wears character shoes and sings like a sista'.


And finally the worse, the most scandalous of all these people- the one you wouldn’t invite home to mother if someone paid you or offer your leftover twinkie to; bitter ball change burnt out actor singer (male, 30 something), has black framed glasses, paid his dues singing in grandmas basement, thinks he’s above it all, writes fervently in his blog and is oh so tired of all the other types…but pays them homage in journalistic fashion as only he can do.

:D

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players."

Oh yah yu betcha…,

I have just returned from Nashville last weekend and boy was it fun to be in the land of Dolly and Amy Grant. A bit too conservative for me to live permanently but I enjoyed visiting there for sure. In July I visited my Family which was a fulfilling visit back home to the land of ohs and ahs and cheeky cheese of delightful Appleton Wisconsin. I’m not originally from Wisconsin mind you my Mom moved up there to be close to my sisters family years ago. But this is where I go home now to see my family. With the Midwestern drawl of my ae vowel though I am often accused of being from Wisconsin but not true friends. Getting there is not that easy really it requires planes trains and automobiles galore. I have to take a train or cab to the airport, fly into Milwaukee then find my way up to Appleton Wisconsin from there. But needless to say, it’s worth it if you live moment to moment and enjoy the ride (sort of a metaphor for life right?).

We surprised my Mom this time she didn’t know I was coming in for a visit. My sister and I were in cahoots for weeks planning and my sister did an excellent job of keeping it hush hush. It came off without a hitch as Mom pretty much stared at me like she didn’t know who I was in shock. There is such a difference between New York and the Midwest. The guy at starbucks there gave my Mom a free iced tea just because she had a nice smile. Amazing. THIS is what I miss about the Midwest. I love the energy and pulse of my life in new york but I sure miss some of the simpler pleasures too like car rides, quiet lawn talks and chain restaurants. I’m probably repeating some of my blog entries here but it resurfaces for me. We all went to a water park and man was that fun. Um, I fell asleep in the chair outside which definitely wouldn’t happen anywhere near the big apple. I also completely abandoned my exercise and eating habits which was a most beautiful release. Hello bratwurst, pizza, ice cream, mac and cheese, suddenly salad, potatoe chips and Moms breakfast! Hey what else are vacations for?My friend Amber came up to see me that saturday (complete with us sneaking into a Radisson hotel to soak our feet in the pool) and my friends Amy and Nick on Monday (to eat the one final horrible meal at Perkins) and my trip home was complete.

Something that’s been on my mind lately is the process of people coming and going in your life. Two quotes come to mind, one from the musical WICKED;

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives, for a reason. Bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return. Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you.”

The other is the basic people come into your lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Often if it is a reason, they or you will say something to end the relationship and that’s it. As I’m getting older, I’ve started to embrace this process rather than fight it. How have I contributed to these seasonal relationships? Is it their fault? Is it mine? What was I looking for in that relationship that I cant give myself? There have been times in the past where the finger of blame was pointed accusingly (myself being guilty too) but what I’m discovering is as you get stronger in self acceptance, people who may not be good for you fall away. And new people come in their place if you embrace their arrival. And these could have a season too you just don’t know. In some ways, we have no control over it it just is a right of passage in life. Ive always been someone who has a lot of friends and I have been good about pursuing and maintaining those. But I’m discovering this may not be working for me anymore. And that there is comfort being very clear who the people are in my life who have been with me through the good times and the bad times. Meeting new people is great, but there’s something to be said about spreading yourself too thin and knowing who your closest friends are. Friends, lovers, sometimes family….sometimes they have reasons and seasons. And does it serve either of you if you cling to something that is showing you its time to move on? To learn the lesson, to experience the season or to embrace the lifetime of the relationship. Maybe this is being finally an adult and sometimes it really bites....but to continue to wish these people well on THEIR journey and thank them for the lesson....

Zip bam boom! The long awaited summer blog entry is here. After much deliberation and careful thought and examination I am filled with lyrical word play to express in the blog form. Alert the press!

First off, I want to come clean about an exquisite singer I have loved for over 20 years and am not ashamed to admit it, my friends. And that is the great—Olivia Newton John. Recently, my delightfully fun friend James and I discovered we both love the Aussie songbird with equal vigor and know the lyrics to almost all her songs, popular and obscure. It was a great surprise to know someone else aside from myself played the cassette of SOUL KISS as a teen in their car and know what the Dolphin Song is and what the album cover looks like. From XANADU to HEART ATTACK to the recent BACK WITH A HEART tunes, ONJ truly hit gold on many of her songs, and with the exception of some of her earlier 80's screeching songs, pretty much sounds lovely on everything . She was a guest judge on American Idol last season, and Olivia gives Paula a run for her money in the sweetness department. She is a pure spirit who cares about trees and breast cancer and dolphins and has been through her own trials and tribulations to make her that much more of an enriched artist. Itune some of her songs today you will not be disappointed. She is one of the greats, let us proclaim it loud and strong now while she is still alive because believe it or not our original Sandy in GREASE is going to be 60 this year! (not that that’s old really and I’m sure she'll be around a long time). Which reminds me- a moment of silence for a recent other great who passed this past week, Miss Beverly Sills.

Item 2:

Speaking of pure spirits, as some of you may or may not know, my closest friend Erin is a big Broadway star and her show Grey Gardens will be closing July 29 after over 300 performances! It all happened rather quickly really in a short 9 month span. The whole time has been incredible, and she has shared the whole experience with me, her family almost every step of the way. Proof of her sweet spirit and letting it feel like a win for all of us. Well I did tell her I would kick her ass if she didn’t return my phonecalls before she hit it big, but I digress. She even won the prestigious Theatre World award for best performance, and I was with her at the ceremony. What’s so bizarre is even though I am in the biz, I forget that this is THE Broadway community. It feels sort of like a High School prom or sorority house popularity contest. And you forget. I was so proud of her when she accepted her award, because I have seen her work so hard to be where she knows she should be. And now is her time and it really is magical. I cried during her speech because it really is a testimony to be careful what you wish for because it CAN and DOES come true. And what’s funny about show biz is you see these are just people like you and I. Because of her, I have been mingling with Broadway and Hollywood elite and you come to truly understand it means only what you subjectively assign it really. I continue to grow this quiet strength within that what I offer from my heart to help others is far more important than fame and fortune. And it is exciting to see my friend who I know is a quality person be elevated, because the fact is this business needs her really, and her good spirit. There were some performers who presented who were filled with their own ego. And then on a turn there were winners like Erin who illuminate something real. Genuine excitement without pretense.

Item 3:

This last piece of info comes with great devastation to me. Since working for Estee Lauder I have many many many skin care products at my disposal. And for the past month I have been doing a little project. I have been NOT been using anything really on my skin but sunscreen. And you know what? It actually is working pretty well. To add insult to injury, my previously mentioned friend James also informed me he only splashes his face with water and puts aloe plant juice on his awaiting dermis. And let me tell you; the boy has some luminous pores. My Mom pretty much does the same thing and at 62 she has great skin. So the day may approach when Thadd merely splashes his face with water and smears some green juicy aloe on it. When it comes, it will be a slow painful process, ridding myself of the potions and vitamin serums and anti-oxidant creams will likely compare to taking a dry martini with three plump green olives away from an alcoholic. Will Lindsey Lohans and Britneys rehab fate be mine? The Neutrogena rehab clinic for recovering skin care addicts? Stay tuned my blogmeisters....and reach for the skin stars!

Friday, I got the full works at John Allan company, a sort of chi chi spa for men with chains all over Manhattan.

My friend Ginger at work gave me a free gift card for this special treat, which I gratefully snatched up and received what John Allan calls the 'full service'; shoe shine, shampoo and conditioning treatment, scalp massage, haircut, manicure, beverage and a facial. The facials not included, I threw that in for a special treat. I'm beginning to realize treats that de-stress like these i.e. massages, etc are quickly becoming more of a necessity versus a luxury to survive New York stress.

The facial is what I'm going to get to delight in details to you. But for the moment…

I felt like a well treated English gentlemen upon my arrival served a beverage, a black coat and shoe shine upon my rather beat up payless shoe store brown shoes. They look brand spanking new I might say. My coworker had been there before and prewarned me to make sure I have tip money for all. Where's my dollar bills?? So tip I did. I skipped the manicure because I got my first manicure this past week with Erin, and the picking at hand flesh with blunt metal utensils was not something I was anxious to repeat. Um, yah why didn't anyone tell me manicures were painful?

But oh lawd I love the facials. If you know me well, you know I have always loved facials and so does my rather sensitive and unruly skin. I rarely get them, but when I do my skin loves 'em and I look like a neutrogena ad after. Last one I paid $15 for (coupons people) in Wisconsin and it was jamazing. I particularly enjoy the extraction part. After awhile the throbbing sting as the esthetician picks at your blackheads, pimples and clogged pores becomes masochistically enjoyable. More! More! More! *sigh.

I was not prepared for Theresa's facial expertise extraordinaire. I don't think I have ever had such a detailed extraction process. When she started digging at my nasal fold corners, and plucking beard hairs, well this was when I began to reconsider childbirth or open heart surgery without anesthetic as a more viable pain option. For those of you who have never had a facial it begins with cleansing, scrubbing, lots of steam from a scary tube, scrub scrub, the extractions, mask, lotions, potions and the best part…a strange outerspace zapping blue current wand that kills bacteria beneath the skins surface. It feels a little like getting licked by a cat. An electric cat. *Zap. Hey man, you are one electric cat, dawg. Cat? Dawg?

A sploosh more of this and that and voila…you're done. A new person.

For those of you pondering what to get me for my next birthday or xmas gift, I'll make this easy…….facials. Who else do you know who goes so ga ga for the za za wand and pick pick I ask? Or better yet, get yourself one. You'll never look back. A new day has come.

Oh lordy I just visited Glennis’s blog again! She is craaaazy ah love her meanderings.

So…A couple of things have been on my mind lately. I was recently introduced to the book/dvd THE SECRET. I’m sure many of you have heard about it too on Oprah, word of mouth, etc. It seems everybody is exuberantly excited about ‘THE SECRET”. The DVD, which I have watched, is sort of a Guru-infomercial-nostrodomos-y documentary with ancient music, special effects and testimonials. I really want to believe in it, but I find too many fallacies in its teachings. Even read an anti secret article in MENS HEALTH not buying it. Like, if the secret works right way with bad things like being late, and stubbing your toe etc why does it take its sweet time with money, partners and success? I dunno…I’m all for positive thinking and thoughts creating emotions but it just seems like something I’ve already implemented in my life…a sort of cognitive behavior therapy technique gone global.

This comes on the curtails of everything changing right now. I have two friends here leaving New York which has brought up much introspection on WHY I am here? It’s like the recent eclipse has caused a sort of disturbance of earths equilibrium. The recent horrific shootings at Virginia Tech, suicides, bizarre happenings something is in full tide here. And I feel a bit ship wrecked. I am once again swimming in a great complacency. I DEFINITELY feel stagnant, but not unhappy per say just thoughtful, hopeful. And I know this stagnancy is part of the ebb and flow of life and always comes around. Certain relationships in my life have recently changed too and been altered without me blinking an eye, and as much as I now expect change in my life I rarely embrace it. (side note: I have officially lived in New York long enough that I have definitely lost my manners with other bodies. I weave in and out of people, I say ‘excuse me’ less when bumping other humans (yah, the darn subway AGAIN!)…there it is the fluidity of people coming and going. What does this mean?

You know what else I’ve noticed regarding THE SECRET? My Ipod is sure filled with some durgy music. I try to skip to the more upbeat songs now and have been downloading fun stuff from Hilary Duff to Robin Thicke to show tunes….dont want Mr Ipod to manifest some bad heeby jeebies when a durgy Lee Anne Rimes scrolls into my earbuds. Even my Ipod is in flux. Ahhh Universe you wacky wafer.

Will the waves crash or coast over me effortlessly without a splash or sound? I guess time will tell……

Rainy days and mondays:

With the onset of horrible weather here on the east coast I've witnessed a sad sad reality of stormy days in the city. The murdered, abused, abandoned umbrella. A moment of silence for these tragic heroes of ours:




Not sure what this guy did to deserve this.

Pretty ghastly, if you ask me.

Now c'mon people, this one makes me want to cry. What did mr umbra' ever do to you?

There is an artist named Traci Talasco, who photographed broken umbrellas on the streets of New York for eight months. Perhaps she also understood the depth of this tragedy. It is epidemic.

Give your umbrella the respect it deserves in its untimely demise...dispose with respect.

Your shelter from the storm,

Thadd the Umbrella Whisperer.

When I was about 11 or 12, my Mom brushed by me in the kitchen and said in her usual dry wit "Come with me to the laundry room. Heres the deal--I'm not doing your laundry anymore". Off I followed her to our 70's brown shag basement, grunting all the way, while she taught me the ways the of the washing machine, dryer, soap levels, bounce sheets and folding technique. And so a new man/boy was born: Laundry Thadd. He who does his own laundry. After that I never wanted anyone else to do my laundry. Who would know how to fold my shirts the way I like? Or take out my favorite pair of jeans and t-shirt 10 minutes into the dry cycle to ensure no shrinkage? I actually enjoyed taking my clothes downstairs to wash, it was a form of therapy in my teens.

When I moved into my first apartment in Chicago there was luckily a washer and dryer in the basement! The stone room looked like a scene from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS but nevertheless it did its job, and I didn't have to go anywhere to get my underoo's spic and span.
Cut to living in New York and the far away Laundromat is my new friend. More like acquaintance/enemy as this was something I did not embrace. I felt the spoiled Thadd who's Mom used to wash his clothes surface as I lugged my mesh bag down the street, lug the soap, lug the hangers, hit my shins, fall over the rolly cart. Not so fun. The apartment here in Brooklyn used to have a Laundromat right outside our door. A vile prison, filled with screaming kids, machines that broke down and an irate angry owner who hated all humans in sight and smoked and drinked with his buddies outside our kitchen until all hours of the night...'Hi there scary laundry man, can I have some quarters please?" (silence, glares and spewing hatred) There also was this crazy Sri Lankin woman who would yell at her hyper 3 year old for climbing into the machines. It closed about six months ago and is now being renovated to become a pizza pub or something. Although I miss the convenience of it, I don't miss its hellish atmosphere. Now I go down two big blocks to the sudsy Clean Rite, a large bright place that despite its distance I semi enjoy going to. There's always a secret dread inside when I see my large laundry bag next to my dresser calling to me "Its lauuuundry day, Laundry Thadd". But I know at least Clean Rite is bareable. And there's a snack machine. As I continue apartment dwelling I know laundromat will always have to be visited, but I miss the days of a washer and dryer in the house. How blessed we were as a family to have this luxury. But for some reason, Laundromats here seem to remain a source of punishment for some long lost karmic debt. If only Mom never took me downstairs at 11, perhaps she would to this day still be folding my long johns.

In honor of Laundromats all around the world here are some recent signs I've seen blaring out laundromat windows. Laundromats. Heaven or Hell? You decide:

Okay so I'm writing this blog from my favorite coffee shop here in Brooklyn. (www.mycafesutra.com) . I go here often for my fav cup o' joe or iced caramel haff caff lattes. It's a little piece of heaven for me so peaceful and very Brooklyn-ey of me. Currently I am sipping on whats called a Good Karma Latte. Mmmmmm coffee.

My friend Glennis always tells me to write in my blog as I speak in real life so here I go peeps. I couldn't help but wonder, are all…..oh wait that's Carrie Bradshaw. Well then on with the showoooo...

So I finished THE ROSE PROJECT Off B'way last week. And if my heart had wings, it has flown what a great experience. It was the story of Tokyo Rose, which explored the mythology surrounding her in the 40's and the label servicemen used for women who broadcast propaganda during the war in the 1940's. It was absolutely fascinating tale of a womans life. The best part was our director Sonoko, such a gracious, gregarious and fun Japanese women who pronounced my name FADD and was completely engaged in the subject matter and inspired all of us around her. I didn't realize how much I missed performing on stage, since it's been awhile. I am always at odds with my performing career should I be doing this, should I not? But in so many intangible ways it always calls me back. I should be doing this and be at the top of my field. And this coming at my job job which feels like so much drudgery and personality clashes lately. I cannot be myself fully. But all in good time, everything in my life always seems to come at a later pace than my heart wants, it seems. I just know God has given me too much talent to waste and at least not use for the purpose of storytelling and understanding periodically.

Coming home after vacation was cathartic. It was nice to be home with the family. But how great it was to come back home to New York, this is where I belong and feel meant to be since coming here 5 years ago now. I was thrilled sitting on the subway coming back home. Who would have ever thought I'd love New York so much?

Okay so here are some random things I'm thinking of blogging about:
*Lone gloves or socks on the street
*Female stage managers
*Subway etiquette (oh lord I've lamented on this forever maybe not)
*You're the one that I want TV show
*Barack Obama

Okay maybe not....thoughts?

Don't forget to check out the 'Shop" section for Logo online (www.logoonline.com). It's MTV's new gay and lesbian network, and I'm the guy posing their online apparel. My Mom told me I looked handsome so there. Woop!

(ending credits scrolling)

Happy Holidays Blogmeisters! So it’s been an eventful December I must say. I am going home to Appleton, Wisconsin Dec 20-29 which I am beyond looking forward to. To think of getting out of the hustle and bustle oh how good it will be for the soul. Peaceful streets, Midwestern friendliness, target, no sirens. And Mom’s cooking! You never get too old for Mom’s cooking. She makes the best macaroni salad and lasagna that’s all I’m gonna say.

So here’s my December Derailings……(parooooooooooooom): Its been cold here in the 30’s, its funny to hear fellow New Yorkers running around saying how cold it is. I grew up in Chicago people, where some days it gets so cold your eyelashes freeze. It’s balmy! While at my friends show last week, I had a chance run in with a fellow performer named Max. Turns out we both played the same role in NERDS A MUSICAL SOFTWARE SATIRE. Him a year before elsewhere, me at the New York Music Theatre Festival 2005. It was so bizarre we both couldn’t believe the chance meeting. This on the curtails of our beloved show opening with a third cast in Philly in Jan. That’s the biz I suppose. Heres a photo of us!









Went skating with Erin at a GREY GARDENS party the other day at Chelsea Piers. Matthew Broderick was skating next to me (me skating being three hobbling circles around the rink whilst fearing my untimely demise). Quite a handsome looking chap, AND he is married to SJP so good thing she didn’t make an appearance or I may have hyperventilated. Photo op 2!









I spent all day on a National Cingular shoot last week, where I was not used unfortunately. However, I was paid, ate well, got to see Mount Claire New Jersey and I always enjoy being on film set. I really enjoy the process, it can be monotonous, but I enjoy its peaceful detail. What was also interesting were how people rent out their houses for film crews. It’s pretty much ransacked. Here’s me in my trailer…ok it wasn’t mine specifically but it could happen!



Have you noticed I'm a big fan of using several periods in succession like this..........?? Why is this I wonder?


You know what remains a ‘challenge’ for me (well go with that word--challenge) is my simultaneous love and hate of New York PARTICULARY the subway. I was telling my friend Jesse that living here has almost ruined me to live anywhere else really…there’s just so much culture, going out, shows, people, restaurants; all my way of life now. I take it for granted really. But it drives me insane too. This being as I am just about to embark on my trip back home, havent been home in a year! I am looking forward to the boredom, being nowhere- but at the same time apprehensive since I am a conditioned city boy. But oy the subway where every crazy kook can exist and ‘hesitation is death’ every day. "Homeless person yelling, I feel for you but I’m tired and cranky this morning can you just speak in hushed tones?," "Um excuse me lady I’m sorry my bag bumped your leg but this is New York here, there’s like 4 billion people here, so I’m doing my best with the 0 inches of space I have thanks so much"-- "Oh thank you vomit on the floor, I’m so glad I stepped in you and of course you too dear old friends pee, boogers or some other unknown liquid right where I sat”…(hanging my head in shame to what I have now vented) It’s like I am fully actualized here but have also made a couple of steps back in the patience and peace department. Who can figure it all out? Thank you India Arie for your musical wisdom and inspiration to get me through another day on the subway. Thank you Gandhi for reminding us “Be the change you want to see in the world” This I will try to remember this holiday season on the subway. On the streets. In my life.

And those-are my Holiday conundrums...Chrisma’ Hana Rama Kan Dona Kwanza my blog friends. May this season be blessed and stress free to you and yours.

Hello Blog Friends,

Okay those “Stress Tests” that you see set up in the subway and on the streets with odd machines attached saying come test your stress level. Um avoid avoid avoid. I sat down this past week at one, and the questions she was asking and the way she was encouraging something that wasn’t there led me to one big conclusion. Fraud City/ Fishy fishy fishy. I said “Okay I’m done!” to her weird way of not having a dialogue with me but rather egging some reaction on, and bolted out of the chair. Never gone do that again. I was probably mugged secretly.

I am becoming aware of that I am a bit obsessive compulsive about organization. Albeit me becoming a professional organizer, this is a bit weird. And it also doesn’t help that my roommate is INSANELY obsessive compulsive (sorry J!). But who am I too point when I have similar traits. I move things around, I like to make sure everything is put away. If I’m left at home without having to work or anything to do its organization central. I’ll fold and put coats and clothes away, clean, organize drawers, make sure products in the medicine cabinet are facing forward. It’s weird. Granted, I do let things get messy too. Especially if I'm having a busy week. But eventually, one day I get to it, and once again I organize. I wash my hands a lot too I don’t like that 'sticky hand' feeling. I walked by this kid the other day with an ice cream cone and he had let the entire thing sort of goop and smear all over his face. I almost passed out at the sticky sight. Where’s a handi wipe when you need one kids? I kind of want to be a macho messy man who drops clothes on the floor, spits and never cleans the bathroom. Am I truly set in my ways? I do leave dishes in the sink, and hate doing them really. But I do them eventually usually within a day. Okay maybe 6 hours. Macho man-dom here I come!

I walked the breast cancer awareness walk on Oct 15th (my Birthday). It was a ‘walk in the park’” as they say, 3 miles gone in a whoosh and money for a good cause. Felt good.

My TV spot a couple of weeks ago on Nick@Nite went so well. Good times. It’s amazing what they can do editing wise, as filming it at times can feel stagnant. I was so pleased with it and with the supportive friends and family who made the effort to watch it thank you!

Met a really cool composer named Bill. He lives in the upper east side in the most amazing condo and such respect I have for his artistic endeavors. Went to a rather crammed party with him last week, oy the small apartments here. So many amazing people living here wow.

New York New York…good with the bad.

Boy the other day I was a major New York asshole. When waiting for a bunch of tourists to figure out how to use their metra cards, I brusquely said “Can I get through I have somewhere to be!?”…can you believe that? New York makes you crazy some days, and I have officially become ‘wacko’. Gotta figure out how to not be like this again. It doesn’t help that it never slows down and that the payphone downstairs outside my apartment building has now become a crack phone for shady characters to use late at night. I digress.

Have I mentioned I’d like to meet Barack Obama?

And finally:

Simply Saline has become my new best friend...go to Walgreens and get the magic.

Holy Tuna Noodle Casserole! I’m Thadd the Sticky Finger man and that’s a wrap.

America's next top Blogger:

Here it is boys and girls, a new blog entry, a new month! October, the amazing fall and a big birthday for me on the 15th. I've been so inspired by the comedic brilliance of my friend Glennis's blog lately, she is so funny. Check her out you'll be an addict:

http://imaragingglesbian.blogspot.com/

Have any of you been watching all these reality talent type shows? Reluctantly last year I did get hooked on Americas Next Top Model thanks to friends oohs and ahh's over it. I don't know how I got hooked on this tv bologna. Well, considering I have like five channels on my tv, the options are slim pickin's.

Anyway, the other day watching the new season and I was amazed at the heaviness at which they set up these 'One of you is going home" moments. These girls weep, wail and have emotional breakdowns while Tyra and her possy leave every pinter pause and expectation blink full throttle, torturing these girls some no more than out of training bra's with their parental glances. It's a character judgement set up purposely for the eyes of the watching tv public, giving these girls the impression that this 'achievement' is what defines their worth, this progression on a fluffed television show is what makes them worthy as they proclaim suitcase in hand "I wont let this stop me! I know I'm a model!...separate of the fact that they just are here on this earth, and have been given life and beauty, a heart. What about that being enough?. This is what I am feeling so strongly about the entertainment industry, living here in New York its not just a joke-it's palpable on the streets you can see it and taste it. People vying to get ahead come hell or high water, to get that 'dream' no matter what it takes, to fight, kick and fight some more until somebody bleeds. You would think hearing about these things on TV, say in a 'join us next week when Blossom learns a valuble lesson about life" episode, would make them more enlightened…but it literally eats you up. Its kind of a sink or swim philosophy. I keep thinking I know I'm an artist, but THIS part, this trying to knock you down part, well I'll be damned if I'll swallow that pill. To trust God and the Universe more to just let you be- to see what other plans may be in store for you versus 15 minutes of fame. What's your integrity factor? How can you improve the world around you? What can you give? Get what you can get as you get it. I don't think we were put here to become America's next top whatever as the end all be all.Amen. Thoughts?

On a more lighter note and supportive of the tv, I have fallen in love with the new ABC show MEN IN TREES. Check it out, Fridays at 8pm. Could it be because it's the SATC writers?? And Anne Heche is charming and cute on it.

I went Samba dancing on the Hudson Pier with some friends last week. SO much fun, the eclectic mix of New York never ceases to amaze me (heres a photo of our samba clan on the Hudson Pier). I am going to being joining a friends group for the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk around Prospect Park Oct 15th (My birthday) I'm excited about that. And finally, check out India Aries new CD on Itunes TESTIMONY VOLUME I LIFE & RELATIONSHIP and my friend DC Anderson's new cd I AM STILL. Download it all on Itunes--what did we do before I-tunes, I ask you all?

Happy Fall!